wow

i started this a while back, and have become involved in a couple other projects. sorry for the neglect. this moves to the top of the priority pile.

this has been a challenge for both of us.

it's a funny thing, trust. when you have it, you have it completely. once you've lost it - you guessed it, the pendulum swings way the hell over to the other side. actually, a pendulum is the wrong thing to compare it to. it's more like a rope, tied secure from some high point in the middle, and when you break someone's trust, the rope gets cut loose, and swings in the breeze.

now to grab ahold of that bastard, and get it back where it belongs.

please, think before you act. think. jesus christ, think.

the emotional strain is way more than you'll ever know. when you see what you've done to the other person, it takes it's toll on you emotionally. i know. i see it. i feel it. the good news is the "bad" days are fewer for now, but that's not to say that one doesn't pop it's evil head in once in a while.

so, the lesson for today is this: if you don't want your rope twisting in the wind, think.

i hope that made sense to someone other than me.

what's the deal here, anyway?

so i, uhh.. i cheated on my wife.

i didn't mean that to sound flip, it's a fact.

fortunately, i got caught.

what's that? yeah, i said "fortunately". for some of you that may seem kind of crazy. for me, it wasn't. it was actually like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when she found out. a welcome relief.

it's been a long time since i actually had sex with someone other than my wife, but i was exchanging emails with someone i've known for close to 30 years, and they got out of hand. in fact, this gal is going to be in town sometime this month, and wanted me to meet her. i said i would, but don't know if i'd have actually gone through with it. it may have been fun to fantasize about, but i'd like to hope that's as far as it would have gone.

i'm writing because i want others out there to know it's not the end of the world if you get caught. in fact, it can be just the opposite. since my wife discovered this, and i've told her everything, we've gotten along better than we have in years. we were together in the same house, yet alone. not anymore.

i'm hoping someone may read this and decide to change their behavior. i'm hoping someone may not venture outside the bounds of their marriage. i'm hoping someone may think of the other partner in their marriage, know that the decision they made was one they have to live with, and if they want to break the bounds of their relationship - break the relationship first. i didn't, and the things i'm going though have been pretty rough for both of us at times. i got lucky and my wife stayed (or let me stay) to work it out. save yourself the anguish, and do it the right way, for everybody's mental health.

if all goes the way i want, i'll post a couple times a week. please, i welcome comments. if you want to blast me, that's ok. if you have a question, ask it. if you want to tell me your success story - that'll be great too.

i guess this is an attempt at redemption. if i can change one mind, or save one marriage, my job will be complete.